Classification Of My Own: "The In-Between"

 

I was born in South Korea, raised in San Diego. I moved to America when I was four years old. Before I moved to the States, I was fluent in Korean and was comfortable with my surroundings. I remember always acting cute in front of my grandparents to get what I wanted, eating my favorite black bean noodles, and getting candy from the chicken lady. When I moved to the States and attended my first day at kindergarten, I was mortified. Everyone around me was different and spoke a language different than I did. Soon enough, I quickly forgot Korean and absorbed the English language like a sponge. I became fluent in speaking English and struggled speaking in Korean. I knew what my parents were saying, but I couldn't speak Korean back to them. I still ate Korean food, practiced Korean etiquette at home, and did gestures only Koreans would do. In the eyes of outsiders, I was Korean. But here's the thing - in the eyes of Koreans, I was American.

The first picture is me wearing a hanbok, a Korean traditional dress. I wore this to a Korean Culture Event, representing the Korean culture by wearing the hanbok. The second picture is my sister and I at the naturalization ceremony to become U.S. citizens.

Actually, growing up I had difficulty finding out who I was. Americans called me Korean; Koreans called me American. Meaning, I was not accepted into either community. In elementary school I hung out with my friends who were predominantly Mexican. However, in middle school my Hispanic friends pushed me away and formed their own group to just hang out with the Mexicans. I was confused and started hanging out with the Asians. I felt comfort in the sense of belonging, but at the same time I didn't feel like I had any close friends. In high school I was even more confused. I hung out with peers of different races but I felt as if I didn't know who I was. Was I acting more Korean? Was I acting more American? I tried to just be myself, which I felt happy with. However, the way I felt had no identity label. It was only till college I realized that I will of course look different in the eyes of different people - whether American or Korean - but there were others who felt the same way growing up as an Asian in America. We made our own classification - and I was okay with that since I finally had a sense of belonging. I am a Korean-American. I am ethnically Korean and my nationality is American. And there are many of us Asian-Americans who will face that same identity crisis growing up. Some may push away the Asian in them, some may push away being American. But I learned that it is important to accept and embrace that it is okay to be "in-between". That is where I stand and an army of us will keep growing.